My husband and I decided to get married at a very young age. Neither of us knew what we were getting ourselves into. The level of commitment, patience, and compromise that come with having a life partner were lost in our waves of hopes, dreams, and butterflies. We’ve come a long way, and those closest to us can vouch. I’m genuinely excited for what God is doing in and through us, but it wasn’t and isn’t always easy.
So, a little back story. I grew up in a Christian home with remarkable examples of grace-filled godly women surrounding me. What I didn’t have in my home with me was an example of what a sacred marriage looked like. So, when Mr. Perfect-in-my-eyes came into my life at a seemingly perfect time, I went all in. I was freshly 18 and smack dab in the middle of my “I’m grown, and I know what’s best for me” complex.
Naturally, my mother, grandmother, and others in my life tried to speak wisdom into my life, but the complex is STRONG. I didn’t listen, didn’t want to listen. When a particular woman in my church got wind of my decision, she immediately invited me to lunch. The problem was that this complex, albeit uninvited, came along as well. I remember her praying over us and jumping into a conversation too deep for me to understand at the time. She explained the beautiful covering and protection of God in His grace and mercy in comparison with an umbrella. She drew a picture of an umbrella and placed the components of a family within it – dad, mom, children. Then she continued to explain how much I had been protected from the rain by this umbrella and how stepping out of God’s will often means stepping out from under this umbrella.
I didn’t understand. I was leaving to get married, not to become the next Queen Pin or anything remotely close. We talked and shared a little bit more, and when we were just about to leave, she looked me deep in my eyes and, with her sweet southern accent, said, “Honey, you’re young and dumb and too young and dumb to realize it.” Whoa. Young, yes, but dumb? I mean, I was an honor roll student with plans to go off to law school, so far from dumb. Or so I thought. See, what she was saying was true. I was dumb in so many ways. I was inexperienced, naive, and turning my life towards my desires and not the one of my Creator.
Soon, my husband and I realized just how young and dumb we were. When the trials of marriage came – and they do come, we were unprepared. We wasted years in arguments and allowed our disagreements to begin to build a wedge between us. Thankfully, God is always way ahead of us. While I was destroying myself, God was surrounding me once again with wise, godly women. Women who, once again, openly loved and encouraged me. The difference this time was that desperation had eaten away every inch of that “I’m grown, and I know what’s best for me complex.” Instead, I was desperate for God to change me from the inside out and to change and bless my marriage.
And He did.
He still is.
I heard someone say that marriage is more than a life partner; it’s a process by which we become more Christ-like. Faithful in the good times and the bad. Forgiving and forgetting. Patient. Kind. Not boastful or proud. Not easily angered and keeps no record of wrong. Rejoicing in the truth, not evil, always protecting, trusting, hoping, and persevering. This type of love never fails. (see 1st Corinthians 13)
Wow.
I recently struggled with something inside my marriage and had no clue what to do or say to mend things with my husband. We were utterly frustrated with each other.
Even though my mind was in a million places, I sat down to watch Elevation’s Sunday service, and towards the end of the service, they began to sing Jireh by Elevation Worship and Maverick City.
As they began to sing the 2nd Bridge –
“If He dresses the lilies
With beauty and splendor
How much more will He clothe you
How much more will He clothe you
If He watches over
Every sparrow
How much more does He love you
How much more does He love you.”
I could feel the Lord saying to me. –
“How much more will I cover you in this marriage.”
“How much more will I guide you in this season.”
“How much more will I give to you.”
“How much more will I stand in the gap.”
“How much more will I do to bring you both out victorious.”
I’m not a marriage expert or anything close to it. I am hungry for the cycle of godly marriages, to begin with, us, for our children to know the love and bond that exists in a home with a mother and father. To encourage those facing similar circumstances that they can do ALL things through Christ.
We’re still young, not quite as dumb, and married… we’re gonna get this right.
XOXO JD
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Tahlia says
I like your writing style! Especially as you tell stories…
More photos please..