I’m no Saint y’all. (I can hear my husband shouting “Amen!” as I write this) I’m not a marriage guru, and if you’ve had a chance to check out Young, Dumb, and Married, then you’ll know that my marriage is proof that God answers prayer. I say that not to disqualify the remainder of this post but to put it into perspective because, more than likely, I’m just like you. The marriage advice I share here is more encouragement than anything. The encouragement that the God who began this good work in you will complete it. He’ll bring glory from your entire life – your marriage, your children, your wounds – all of it.
Marriage Advice from a Young Wife
I’m in awe at how far my husband and I have come in our relationship and in awe at all of the love and nudges we receive to keep going strong. Here are the top three pieces of encouragement I have to share with you, beautiful.
- Christ is Your First True Love
- Prioritize Spending Time Together
- Don’t Underestimate The Power of Forgiveness
Christ is Your First Love
I can remember the very first time my husband let me down. It actually happened while we were dating, and I carried that hurt and disappointment into our marriage. It was a big deal. As a young girl with the most beautiful fairytale expectation of what marriage would look like, I couldn’t understand why things were going the way they were. Why was this issue such a big deal to me? It wasn’t the most significant thing in the whole world and definitely not big enough to keep us from moving forward in our relationship, so why was it still here? The real reason- I had put Christ-sized expectations on my human husband. As a girl with deeply rooted daddy issues, I expected him to fill every empty spot in my heart and heal my wounds. So when he let me down, something in the back of my mind put him in the same category as all the other men in my life who had let me down. Putting him in that category was dangerous – for him and for me.
It wasn’t until I started watching the Relationship Goals Series by Pastor Michael Todd that I realized where I had gone wrong. Even though I was a “church girl,” I hadn’t made Christ my first love. I knew He was my Savior, I knew He was a way-maker, but I didn’t know Him as my groom. When I began to grasp the love story that is the Gospel, I started to learn that all those wounds and empty spaces could only be filled by the love of Jesus. Nothing and no one else would ever do. I had to give those larger-than-life expectations to the Only One who could actually carry them. Beautiful, the most significant piece of marriage advice I can give is to come to know Jesus – He is our first love, and He is coming for His bride.
Prioritize Spending Time Together
Did you ever get giddy and full of excitement to go out with your husband while you were dating? I have so many memories of spending hours picking out outfits, deciding how to wear my hair, how I was going to do my makeup, all in preparation to spend a couple of hours with my man. My next piece of marriage advice is that you shouldn’t stop dating when you get married. My husband and I made the mistake of falling into an unhealthy routine. A routine of work, work, work, sleep, work, work, work. It only got worse when we had our first child. It became all about caring for this new life, work, sleep, repeat. That’s it. We were beyond tired and completely unhappy with what our lives had become. Date nights were things that happened on big events – birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines Day until we discovered the 2/2/2 rule.
This was a game-changer. I’m naturally a workaholic, and my husband is equally passionate about his work and projects. While this isn’t entirely a bad thing, it can be damaging to our relationship. The 2/2/2 rule gave us parameters to stay within for dating – for spending quality time together. I’m a lover of calendars, so I added these rules to our family calendar. It’s nice to have the reminder that we need to step away, reconnect, and enjoy one another. It’s been exciting knowing that date night is just around the corner when we’ve had a hard couple of weeks. Or to start planning our next weekend trip away and compiling lists of places we’re going to visit next.
This time together – without the kids- breathes fresh air into our marriage every time.
The Power of Forgiveness
“No marriage can survive without forgiveness. Marriage is a long-term commitment between two sinners.” – Elisabeth Elliot.
The last piece of marriage advice I have is to forgive often. Earlier I mentioned a big disappointment that I brought into my marriage. I had to not only allow Jesus into those places, but I also had to actively forgive my husband so that I could really see and know him. At the beginning of our relationship, we both expected the other to be perfect. Completely flawless. But, when two people -two broken in their own way people- come together in a committed relationship, things happen. Disagreements happen, feelings get hurt, promises are broken, the list goes on. It’s so easy to let those feelings linger because they’re real; you’re not making up how you feel. I get it. But, something amazing happens when you practice forgiveness. It doesn’t happen naturally, it takes intentional effort, but the bond that forms when you lay aside your emotions to see and forgive your spouse and when he does the same for you, it’s supernatural. It’s the fairytale dream made real.
In just a few days we’ll celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. I’m amazed at how much we’ve learned, grown, and overcome. I can’t wait to see what God does in our lives next.
What’s the best piece of marriage advice you’ve ever received? Comment below!
XOXO JD
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