It’s tough for a young mom to know exactly how to encourage self-esteem and confidence in her daughters, especially when our own confidence may be low. The theme of confidence has been with me for a while and even caused me to look into the confidence vs self-esteem debate. As I spend more and more time on this subject, I’m realizing that there are lots of little things we can do to help our precious little ones blossom into confident women. Here are 5 easy tips you can put into practice today to teach your daughter what confidence is.
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5 Tips for Teaching Our Daughters What Confidence Is:
1. Show Confidence in Yourself
2. Invest in her Interests
3. Talk to her, not at her
4. Discipline
5. Define True Confidence Early
Show Confidence in Yourself
As with anything in life, your actions will speak louder than your words as you teach your daughter what confidence is. Tackling our own insecurities, fears, and doubts allows us to welcome in pure confidence, that will welcome in opportunities to hand our daughters the keys they need to thrive. The opportunities to model confidence are all around us. From watching what comes out of your mouth in front of her to taking action on your goals, you can model confidence for your daughter daily.
A big part of modeling confidence is being transparent. While there is such a thing as age-appropriate transparency, pretending to have it all together all the time does more damage to how our daughters view themselves than we may realize. For many of us, our moms didn’t have real conversations with us about how they were feeling or what they were facing behind the scenes. While I am a firm believer that not all business is meant to be disclosed to our children, there is so much to be learned from being open when we’re having a hard day.
I remember a day when my mini-me just couldn’t catch a break. From fights with the man-cub to frustrating tech issues during school, the tears were inevitable. This was the perfect time to share that I’ve ended a lot of days in tears too. Her response let me know that this was exactly the type of transparency she needed. In this moment, I modeled what confidence is by letting her know she wasn’t broken, crazy, or alone. She was having a hard day but was still perfect in every way.
Invest in her Interests
We’ve all had our self-esteem or confidence take a hit when someone is completely disinterested in something we’re excited about. I don’t believe anyone does it intentionally, a busy schedule is all one needs to become laser-focused on their day. The same goes for us as mamas. I’m learning that it’s not as hard as I was making it. I can change the way I respond to her, instead of “good job” I can show more interest by asking questions “Tell me more about the picture you drew, where did you get the idea for it?” Thanks, @montessori.mothering for the tip!
We can also invest in our daughters’ interests by spending time with them doing what they like. Whether it’s playing the piano or collecting stamps (gasp), take time to encourage her secret passions and spend time learning about them with her. Emphasis on learning. Show her praise not only for her results but for her efforts too. This is laying the foundation for her understanding that she can be confident even when she fails.
Talk to her, not at her
How many of us grew up with parents who didn’t ask- they TOLD. Me! Now, this isn’t 100% bad. I’m not saying that we get rid of how we were raised. I for one love the person my parents raised me to be and some of us younger mamas need to take note of some of the core differences between then and now. What I am saying is that a lot of us were talked at and not talked to. That’s what I want to change with my daughter. I want to communicate with her in a way that not only shows her love and respect but also strengthens her confidence in who she is.
A part of this process for me was avoiding baby talk as much as possible. We started talking to our daughter like an adult very early. As a result, at 6yo her communication skills are out of this world! She’s able to clearly and confidently express her emotions and her needs which I know is further strengthening her confidence.
Discipline
No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening-it’s painful! But afterward, there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained this way. – Hebrews 12:11 NLT
I’m sure discipline was not a tip you expected to come across on a blog post about teaching your daughter what confidence is, but let me explain. Remember when I said some of us younger mamas need to take notes from the older generation? This is a big part of what I meant. As a mom today, we are told and persuaded not to discipline our children but to be their best friends. That this is better for the child in the long run. Beautiful, it’s a lie!
Contrary to popular belief, it is destructive to avoid disciplining our daughters. Without correction, our daughters are left vulnerable to a world that does NOT love them. Discipline teaches her to be her own person and have self-control over herself. Enforcing consequences for bad behavior and poor choices encourages wisdom in our daughters. Wisdom will lead her to salvation.
Define True Confidence Early
True confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. As women of faith, we know that the ONLY one we can truly rely on and trust is our Heavenly Father. Don’t hide this truth from your daughter. Instill in her at an early age that God is our source. He is our source of peace, strength, provision, and confidence.
One of the ways I’ve been defining true confidence with my daughter is by making space for us to watch and read Christian shows, podcasts, books, etc. There are so many resources available to help us fit truth into our everyday lives. Comment below if you’d be interested in a free list of my favorite resources!
We are also working on the habit of speaking daily affirmations that are rooted in truth. Here are 8 Daily Affirmations to get you and your daughter started! I am also a fan of surrounding her with encouraging artwork in her room like this.
Raising girls is challenging, but it’s an amazing journey. And though the world is changing, nothing will replace the timeless values you can instill in them while they grow up. It’s vital to help our daughters make good decisions and see their worth as daughters of the King.
How do you teach your daughter what confidence is? Share your favorite tips below!
XOXO, JD
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